


it's not a nickname

by gayprophets



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Drug Mentions, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Name Changes, Trans Duck Newton, minor transphobia not enough to dampen the mood, older sibling energies, spoilers for ep 35
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 11:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20619965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayprophets/pseuds/gayprophets
Summary: Duck Newton has a dilemma. Actually, he has many dilemmas - this one isn’t even the most pressing, so to speak about it as if it is his only problem is factually inaccurate and also kind of insulting to his other, more urgent dilemmas. He’s not focusing on those ones right now though. They can be dealt with later, when thinking about them doesn’t make him want to go lie facedown on the floor in his bedroom and shriek until the talking sword in his closet yells at him to shut up.-How Duck Newton picks his legal name.





	it's not a nickname

**Author's Note:**

> JSDJSDJSH HOWS ABOUT THIS NEW EPISODE............

Duck Newton has a dilemma. Actually, he has many dilemmas - this one isn’t even the most pressing, so to speak about it as if it is his only problem is factually inaccurate and also kind of insulting to his other, more urgent dilemmas. He’s not focusing on those ones right now though. They can be dealt with later, when thinking about them doesn’t make him want to go lie facedown on the floor in his bedroom and shriek until the _ talking sword in his closet _ yells at him to shut up. 

The sword is one such dilemma. He’s ignoring it. It is _ not _ ignoring him, as it is furious to be stuck in his underwear drawer.

“Uh… Sergio?” Jane offers, stabbing a fork into her eggo waffle. They’re sitting across from each other at the table early one Saturday morning. Their parents are going out for the day and Duck has to babysit Jane, which is the only reason he’s cognizant before noon. Jane can take care of herself, he doesn’t get why he’s needs to watch her.

“Do I _ look _ like a Sergio?” Duck asks. For those wondering, he does not: he’s got a patchy black dye job that was obviously done at home and four safety pins in his ears through piercings he did himself. His voice - a few months on testosterone - is squeaking like an unoiled wheel, his skin is greasy and dotted with pimples, and he has a few ugly, scraggly light brown mustache hairs that he’s proudly growing out despite their ugly, scraggly appearance. Shaving them feels like a betrayal, and erasing his progress. (Also, he’s not quite sure what the right way to shave his face is.)

“Jeremy?” Jane suggests. This has been nearly every conversation they've had this week. Duck needs a first name quickly, because his dad agreed to let him legally change his name, just as long as it wasn’t _ Duck. _ He’s going to college this fall, which means he needs to figure it out soon, so it can go through the courts. He was taking baby name books out of the library, but then Mike Dangle the librarian asked him when he was due, so that’s off the table. Now he’s relying on suggestions from friends and family, which have been categorically god-awful so far.

Duck wrinkles his nose. “I graduated with a Jeremy,” he drawls. “We called him Germ-y, ‘cause one time he mixed his piss with his gatorade and drank it.”

Jane very slowly picks her lemonade up, stands, and dumps it into the sink. “I hate you,” she tells him. “Garrett.”

“Garretts do crack,” Duck replies as she sits back down. He stuffs a bite of eggo into his mouth, drenched in maple syrup.

“You don’t even know any Garretts!” Jane says, throwing her hands in the air. She looks like their mother, which he almost tells her before realizing that will certainly start a fight and keeps his mouth shut. Their dad has started threatening to drive them both out to behind that creepy abandoned hotel up the mountain and force them to hike back together, alone, to _ sort out their problems _ and _ forge a bond _ or whatever, and Duck has other ways he’d rather spend his day. He’s plenty bonded to Jane, anyways. She’s just also the worst.

“I know enough _ about _ Garretts to know they all do crack!” Duck replies. Fittingly, his voice wavers on the last word.

“Ray!” Jane says, exasperated

“Ray is a dumb hick -,”

“Don’t see what the problem is then -,”

“And ain’t nobody likes a Ray!” Duck says overtop of her, ignoring the insult. If he didn’t shrug a few off sometimes he’d never get anything done.

“David, then!” Jane says. “Actually, no, every David I know is a _ huge _ -,” she looks around quickly for their parents before continuing. “Jackass. There’s no such thing as a good David.”

Duck puts his forehead on the blue floral tablecloth with a loud thunk. “Why do names gotta be so hard?” he asks the world at large.

“There, there,” Jane says in the least comforting tone of voice ever. “Ruben?”

“Rubens are rude_ weirdos.” _

“Hunter?” 

“I -,” Duck begins to say _ I don’t have a knife collection _ before realizing that a sword is just a massive knife and pulls up short. “Hunters eat worms off the pavement after it rains ‘n dissect mice for fun.”

“Wayne?” Jane asks.

“Wayne,” Duck repeats, thinking. “I kinda like it.

Jane’s mouth twists like she’s just bit into a lemon. “Never mind, we’d be Jane and Wayne. I’d rather be dead than be matchin’ with you. How ‘bout Justin?”

“Hey Dad?” Duck shouts. Their dad clomps down the stairs, tucking in his shirt and raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “How d’ya feel ‘bout Wayne?”

“Y’got a great uncle Wayne,” their dad replies. “Why? ‘S that the name?”

“No,” Jane says. Her eyes are huge and outraged, her knuckles white around her fork and knife.

“Oh _ yes,” _ Duck replies with great relish. “Wayne and Jane Newton.” It’s not bad, honestly. He thinks he could be a Wayne, and ain’t nobody is gonna think he’s somehow a girl based on it. Most people will call him Duck anyhow.

“Still a dumb hick name,” she mutters. 

Their mother sweeps into the dining room and past their father, still putting in an earring. “I don’t understand why your name ain’t good enough for you,” she says. “My mother picked -,”

Jane and Duck’s simultaneous groans drown out the deadname perfectly. 

"- out long before you were born, and it's so beautiful!" she continues.

“It’s fine,” their father says. “Either we help Duck change it or s- he'll change it himself. I’ll pick up the paperwork on our way home. We’re gonna be late.”

That night, Duck prints _ Wayne Newton _ onto his name change paperwork as neatly as possible, Jane lurking over his shoulder and scowling. It’ll be a nice weight to get off his shoulders.

Unfortunately, there’s still plenty of other weights. 

_ “Duck Newton,” _ his sword hisses at him as he’s getting ready for bed. “This location is _ degrading _ and beneath a sword of my caliber, I demand you -,”

“Shut _ up _, Beacon!” he snaps, and throws a pillow at his closet. Remarkably, Beacon does.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me at themlet dot tumblr dot com. comments and kudos appreciated!!  
all name stereotypes come from people i know. if your name is on here thats not my problem idk. sorry if there were typos. i am very tired.


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